As we finished up the paperwork, she talked about a client who had described her as a handrail when walking through fog. As she spoke, I had a different image. Of her sitting in a tall chair above a maze. Being able to see the whole picture and guiding me out of cul-de-sacs and towards the exit.
Of course I’m not saying things won’t happen in the future to upset me. Stuff happens and it’s not easy to deflect that first trigger which can result in, at the least irritation and at the worst rage.
I understand it’s important to allow myself to feel what comes up. The ideal is not to get stuck there. During the session I explained that around Christmas I thought about that person who was set to receive my kidney. I will never know what their outcome was. Felt sad for them; prayed for them and their family circle. Then I let it go. I expect around the beginning of March coming up to the anniversary of the time it should have happened, the sadness will reappear. How can it not? The difference now is that the pain has gone and with it the weight of responsibility I felt.
I’d never thought about using psychologists in the past although I've met a few when networking. Given the chance I grabbed it with both hands and would encourage anyone else to do the same. Yes, there might be pain. But the choice between continuing on a path that caused myself great hurt and taking a look at it in a safe space made the decision to accept the sessions very easy.
They say that the observer sees most of the game. Sometimes our lives can be viewed as if from the wrong end of a telescope too close to our faces. Distance and a wise observer helped me.