Sounded ridiculous to me because this is my blog and I can write in it any time I choose.
The truth is though that I don't often write in it. Not a long post that is.
My sharings are usually confined to introducing the work of others and the guest writers.
That said, Spirit has been testing me recently with different questions and challenges....
... so this seemed to be just one more. In the nature of Spirit saying, 'well you're asking for certain things to happen, are you willing to do what it takes?'
The word that came up for this article is....
We know about the advice that comes via lots of writers and teachers, 'take the first step and the next one will show itself'.
Not before you take the first step but afterwards.
A couple of years ago I set about learning how to create online events - mine are called Writing From Your Heart Gatherings.
I considered myself a practical person and had held down a range of administrative and professional jobs over many years. My Achilles heel though was technology, what made it work and how to use it.
The summer of 2012 I went through many days of worry and anxiety and yes fear.
- fear of what people would think of me
- fear of what if it all went wrong
- fear of not knowing how to do it 'right'
And my daily request to Spirit was, 'show me the next step please.'
To be honest I couldn't have coped with more. Yes I needed to see the big picture of what I was trying to do. But in terms of doing it, the details and the amount of details of the process threatened to overwhelm me.
At every step an answer came and of course with hindsight, there were other ways, maybe better ways to do things. But for me the instinct that Spirit inspired me with to ring that person, send this one an email, voice my problems to someone was miraculous.
The answer to my prayers.
Trusting at a deeper level
Of course two years on, the challenges have become more profound as I keep asking for a closer relationship with the Spirit that works through me. They keep coming and I keep asking for the next step.
Do I get afraid still?
Sometimes I do. Sometimes I have deep darkness in myself emerging as I rage that I'm unworthy for the work Spirit wants to do through me.
I am in a human frame with an ego-self that fears change and judges... especially judges myself.
But... and it is a miraculous, wondrous but... Spirit answers me. Every time with generosity and love.
It may take me a while to interpret the answer for what it is. But there's always an answer.
And what I remember more often than not in these days, is that the answer is framed to give me the most transformative, wonderful growth of my Soul in this body experience.
That's worth trusting in.
Since this is a guest blog you can find out more about me on http://www.eileenparr.com
Sign up for the audio series Spiritual Insights for Writers