Surrendering is not a one time event and we're done. We have many layers of surrender and many ways of surrendering small things and great. Let's be grateful for each thing we can let go of that hides the radiant being we are.
The Gift Is in The Surrender
There isn't one of us that can avoid life's trials and adversity no matter how hard we try. All of us must bear pain and heartache, loss and suffering, illness and death, for it is all a part of life and a part of our soul journey. What is most important though is our response to the dark passages in life, as we go through them. Do we stumble and fall, allowing our will to be broken beneath the weight of our burdens, or do we get back up and dust ourselves off, find a way to rise above them, evolve from them and perhaps even bless others because of them?
As many of you know from my post last week, losing my dog Jolly on New Years Eve was a devastating loss. He was more than just a dog, he was my best friend and he is a part of my soul family. If that wasn't enough, my Mom who has been in a rehab facility, took a turn for the worse and is now in the hospital once again. For several days last week she simply refused to eat. It felt to me as if she had given up and no longer wished to be here. When I confronted her with this, she more or less confirmed my fears with her reply, "Sometimes it's just too much effort to try." I may never be truly prepared for her to make that transition to the other side, but right now so soon after losing Jolly seemed inconceivable to me. Then, on top of that, I received a letter in the mail that our family home that's been in foreclosure would be auctioned off to the highest bidder at the end of the month. Years of memories once more flooded back from my childhood. I couldn't believe this was really happening. It was all so final. I thought about how devastated my Dad would be if he were still here with us and my heart broke all the more. How did I respond to all of these events happening around me? I cried.
Yes, I cried, until no tears were left. The heaviness of so much loss loomed over me like a dark cloud and a deep sadness fell over me. I was already feeling empty from losing Jolly, but now that emptiness was morphing into something much more sinister...depression. Oh yes, I've been in this familiar space many times in my life. Unfortunately, I know it all too well. So for several days I stayed there in that space of depression, and I didn't like it one little bit. I had some dark thoughts while in this place...thoughts like maybe Mom's right and life’s not worth it! Then, there were the tempting thoughts that threatened to set in motion an eating disorder that is no longer welcome in my life. You see, recovered anorexics and bulimics are always at risk of relapse if their stress level becomes overwhelming and just the thought of losing Mom after losing Jolly so recently had overwhelmed me. Did I give in to any of these thoughts? No, but I had them and that scared me.
Were these emotions of sadness, loss, emptiness and heartache I was feeling just a part of the grieving process and totally normal? Yes, perhaps they were. Perhaps I shouldn't beat myself up and feel so guilty for having them, I told myself. Perhaps I should give myself a little love and compassion, after all isn't that what self-love is about? As true as all that may be, it was still an uncomfortable and frightening place that I understood and I didn't ever want to be in again. The sadness and grief was quite understandable. I am one of those ultra-sensitive individuals and I feel everything deeply, good and bad. But I didn't like this depression I was falling into. I could feel myself sinking under the weight of my inner turmoil. I needed help and so I turned to the greatest source of help in my life, Spirit. How can I rise above this I queried my angels and guides? The response came immediately, “Surrender!"
Yes, of course that is exactly what I need to do, let go and let God! I knew that, but somehow I had gotten so caught up in my pain and my fear of losing Mom too, that I had forgotten to do the one thing that I knew would lift me from this place of depression and overwhelm...surrender to God. So picking up my journal, I wrote out a prayer of surrender.
I surrender to you all that I am, all that I have and all that I do. I surrender my life, my talents, and my gifts. You've given me this life and so I give it back to you totally and completely that it may be used in service to You. I surrender the grief, the pain, the heartache, the loneliness, the fear, the darkness and the depression I am now feeling. I know that in every life experience good or bad, dark or light there is a deeper meaning a higher purpose and a gift. I ask that the gift in this be revealed. May I understand the deeper reason or the lesson I need to learn, here and now. Lastly I ask that all experiences in my life whatever they may be, be used to serve and glorify You. Please accept my service always as an instrument of Your Divine Light & Love.
This felt good. I felt lighter...freer. But what happened after that I wasn't expecting at all. I began receiving a message that just flowed onto the journal page. This message wasn't from my guides or my angels. This message wasn't the "voice" of Oron my dear friend and guide. This message was from an even deeper connection within me. This was a divine dialogue. A message from Divine Presence being given to me through Higher Self, and it was all about surrendering. (This is the abbreviated version of that message.)
"My child, surrender...let go...fall into My loving divine embrace. Allow Me to take those things that burden you now upon My shoulders. I, in My infinite love and compassion for you will carry the weight of those burdens that drag you down, if you will but surrender and let them go to Me! Surrender..."give over".... the grief and heartache to Me, the One that loves you beyond your understanding. Trust in My love to care for you in the way only I can! My way is always for your highest good, something you cannot see from your limited vantage point. You see Beloved, you are My beautiful creation, you are of My Light and My Love, for you are My divine child and I as your Divine Father want only what is for your best...always. Do not grope in the dark any longer...ask for My Light to lift you up...to deliver you from this darkness. Place your trust in Me, your Divine Father! Surrender to Me your heartaches, your pain, your trials, your fear, all your burdens and not only will I give you rest, but I will give you My Love to sustain you and My Light to heal your broken heart. Beloved, you are My child and no one loves you more than I! "
Needless to say, I was a bit stunned as I read the words I'd just scribbled onto the page. Stunned and deeply moved. These were words I desperately needed to hear. These were words that instantly began to lift me up and the uplifting messages haven't stopped. For many days now I have received new ones and each one has served to lift my thoughts, my heart and my spirits even more. They have helped me to do that which I already knew to do, but had lost track of in my grief...rely on the Presence of the Divine to get me through this. I'm not going to say that I am not still sad or suddenly don't miss my Jolly and that I'm not still grieving this loss, because I am. What I will say though is that the deep depression has lifted and the dark thoughts are now gone. I know I am safe in loving Divine Hands. His Light is shining upon me and I know the path He has set me upon will be perfect for me.
You see, I know the higher way...the better and wiser path, but like anyone else might, I was lost in my grief and my emotions, unable to momentarily see the path of light. I am so grateful that Spirit found a way to get through to me by imparting these beautiful messages and lifting me up from a place of near despair. Then I suddenly realized something even more astounding, the gift in my grief and loss had been revealed! These messages I've been receiving are not just for my inspiration, but for yours as well. How I go about releasing them whether as a book, on this blog, or another way, is something I will wait for guidance on. But as it began to sink in how even this dark hour in my life could be used to not only bless me but many others, I could only say a humble prayer of gratitude. I am grateful for the opportunity to once again serve a Divine Presence that blesses and restores me at every turn.
We all go through our dark passages in life that is a part of life common to us all. But always remember it is our reaction and our response to those dark passages that is important because that is what determines the outcome. Let us never forget that no matter how dark the skies become or how much we are thrashed about and battered by life's storms, there is a loving Divine Presence always with us. This Divine Presence patiently waits for us to surrender it all...letting it go to Him that we may be delivered through His Grace. Then watch as the magic around you unfolds. His Divine Hand will make known the higher path and reveal the gift that every dark passage in life holds and is but waiting for you to receive.
Love to you…
© 2014 BelindaRose
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